Dreamer

I see it all in my head. Everything I can be, all I'm meant to be, all I want to be ~ I see it over and over and over again like an endless loop. When I wake up, during the day, especially in the quiet nights when I lay awake doom scrolling, watching other people live their lives, live the life I could have if I just… woke up.

I'm drowning in my sleep, suffocating while I'm awake, drifting through life a speck of dust — no, even dust knows its place.

Where is mine? Where is my place? My purpose? What even is a purpose, and why do I need to have one? Why can't I just exist without the guilt, without this ache, this longing to do, to create, to absorb and expand, to live and explore, to just be.

What does that even mean — what does it mean to just be? Too many videos, too many think pieces, the advice, the messages, too much information.

I'm tired. Am I to remain a dreamer? Only ever completely free in my head?